Equal Marriage for Gingers

The House of Commons will tomorrow vote on a bill to legalise marriage between people with ginger hair. Opposition to the bill has been fierce over the past few months with many claiming that marriage should be a sacred bond between people of blonde, brunette, black and grey hair.

The Right Reverend Bishop of Holiness yesterday said “We at the Church of Pope and Such will not be forced by the government to conduct ginger marriages even though that's probably not what the bill says, I wouldn't know – I haven't read it. Our views are more important than the rights of ginger people and must be adopted by everyone in the country. We also hate the Jews again.”

Bobby MacCelticheritage of the ginger rights charity Red Brick Wall has welcomed the bill stating “Since ginger hair was legalised in 1967 and gingers were no longer forced to dye, our society has moved closer to equality year on year. This is the final step in making us truly equal citizens.”

Gingers have been allowed civil partnerships for 5 years now and ginger adoption is now commonplace. The numbers of parents giving up their children after discovering they were ginger is down with the subsequent divorce rate on discovering their spouse had been dying their hair also at an all time low.

If the bill is passed the UK will become the 22^nd country to legalise ginger marriage ahead of many US states who probably did it at one point but then caved in again under the mighty power of Jesus, who sadly passed away almost 2000 years ago.

Tomorrow will see what is predicted to be one of the largest ginger pride parades the country has seen take place in London in support of the vote. However there are fears it may be cancelled after weather forecasters predict a cloudless day with temperatures in the early 20s. “We don't want our skin to end up redder than our hair” Bobby stated.

Horror-scopes

Recently we found James shivering on the floor. “I’ve seen the colour of the angels' blood," he said. “And it radiates out of me”. Another Tuesday, another acid trip. We sat him down at the type writer. When he finished getting off with it he had a vision. “I can see into the future,” he said, eyes gleaming with the wrath of fury. This is a transcript of what he typed.

Aries: Today you will meet a tall dark stranger, his name is Dracula and he wants to drain your body of its tasty iron rich blood. Phone in to find out why the sign of the cross might be lucky for you.

Taurus: You are going on a surprise trip today, Taurus. Unfortunately you are crushed under the 47 bus and taken to A&E. Phone to find out why Conservative spending cuts might spell trouble.

Gemini: You might find it hard to concentrate today after you are tested positive with HIV. Phone to find out about getting in contact with a long lost lover.

Cancer: Shock horror today when mad scientist Dr Gogol sews the hands of a serial masturbator to yours. Phone to find out why buying Vaseline might be lucky.

Leo: Good news Leo, you can push the paranoid thought out of your head today, because you will find out the government really are watching you. Phone to find out why water boarding might be unlucky for you.

Virgo: You can be the most charismatic of the zodiacs Virgo, but it also causes you to receive unwanted attention. Phone to find out why The Knickerbocker Glory killer might cross your path today.

Libra: You might be in need of an existential plumber when the beating of the heart in the floor boards becomes more than you can bare. Phone to find out why staring into the man’s old eyes might be bad for your health.

Scorpio: You will find yourself a little more down to earth today, after free falling from the plane. Phone to find out why packing a parachute might be helpful to your health.

Sagittarius: A need to change your plan means you may arrive home early upsetting the plan of a mysterious stranger. Phone to find out why the calls might be coming in from inside the house.

Capricorn: You are not a conventional lover but you express this in the only way you can. So many woman, your head should be swimming. Phone to find out why the Juwes are the men that will not be blamed for nothing.

Aquarius: There is lots of positive energy heading your way today. Especially from the heavily ionized canon of a nearby UFO. Phone to find out why “if you build it, they will come “might be a bad idea.

Pieces: House searching can be exhausting. But good news Pieces! You find the ideal home today and you will reside there for eternity within the walls of Hill House. Phone to find out why walking means you will walk alone.

You can contact We've Become Mango for more information on 1-800 MANGO, or find us on twitter @wevebecomemango and Facebook. Stay safe, folks!

A Mango Afternoon

A few days ago, the Mangoes three were sitting around in the super-secret basement of their exotic camper van wondering what to do with their day.

They’d eaten their entire supply of hard boiled eggs and chased six weasels away for being snide.

James said:

Marianne said:

Richard said:

Marianne and James stared at Richard for a long time waiting for him to tell them his big idea. He was very slow to pick up on the fact that they were waiting for him to tell them his big idea. Eventually he got there though.

So they took down the big book of hobbies and chose one completely at random. Luckily they chose Falconry, because Marianne has really been struggling to keep the thread of this blog going and that seems like a suitably idiotic topic.

James said:

And Marianne said:

But then the falcon bit Richard because it thought he was a bit of grain, so they had to put it down. It wasn’t very happy about it, but then it became best mates with a woodlouse on the floor and the two of them went off into the sunset together and an MGMT song played out the scene to fade.

THE END.

Joy in the Hole

Hello Mango fans. It’s Wednesday, it’s blog day and it’s sunny which makes it time to cook up a Joy in the Hole.

Joy in the Hole was invented by The Right Honourable Lord Winchester Faggot Jr the 2^nd Earl of Twelchford during a prolonged game of Dandy Racket Ball. In his first book Peering into Peerage and other essays (see Appendix 1), Lord Winchester had this to say about its creation:

“It was a fine summer’s day, high on life and opium. We were joined by The Tertiary Twins a set of identical triplets, two joined from the hip to torso and sharing the same liver - a constant source of argument, one was fond of the drink, the other was a great believer in temperance but both agreed on being arduous bores. The other sister who didn’t look like her siblings despite being identical to them, was radiant. The type of beautiful you see occasionally whilst musing over the Reader’s Digest in the WC, but never in a public house or amongst one’s peers. Since the cook was away for the weekend, I took her in to the kitchen and, finding only left overs, I utilised them to make some Joy in the Hole.”

He completely forgets mention what the ingredients and the cooking method are. We believe it’s similar to an upside down cake, but the right way up. What we know for sure is that the pastry based comestible took London by storm. Jack Rat, a famous satirist of the time wrote this poem:

On a heady evening stroll

In the streets the crowds cajole

That those who languish on the dole

Delight in fulfilling their only goal:

To share in the glee of Joy in the Hole.

Nowadays Joy in the Hole has fallen out of fashion, a lot like laudanum and Madonna’s sex appeal. We’ve Become Mango like to indulge whenever possible, however, and we’re always happy to share with our adoring fans. Find us on Facebook and Twitter (@wevebecomemango) for more information!

Queef you later folks.

Appendix 1: 1883, WBM Printing Press, available in all good book stores